Monday, April 7, 2014

How to love and to be loved

Love is expressed as an action and experienced as a feeling. Yet, love has an essence that resists defining in any single way — it encompasses compassion, determination, tolerance, endurance, support, faith, and much more. If you're in the dark about how to love, this article should give you some food for thought, and perhaps teach you a little bit about how to love yourself, love the world, and love other people just a little bit more.

Letting Love In & Loving Like a Pro

1. Accept your past. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you really need to begin to cope with that feeling before you can love someone else. You may feel that things you did in the past will make you unlovable, or that you have too many problems to be lovable. Maybe you feel that because your past relationships failed, all others are doomed to fail as well. But this is not the case and you should never feel for a moment that what has happened to you before will keep you from being happy now. Accept the things that happened to you, forgive, and move on.

2. Love yourself. Before loving anyone else, you have to love yourself. This is important on so many levels. It will show you how to experience love, it will send a message to people you love that you are worth loving in return, and it will make you a better lover because you will not be hindered by self-doubt and confidence issues.
  • If you have problems loving yourself, then change yourself. Build your self confidence by doing something wonderful and being a better person. Conquer all of your bad habits that make you self-conscious. Just don’t expect to make yourself into the perfect person, because perfect people do not exist. 

3. Give it time. Don’t force love and don’t try to speed it up. This will only create false feelings which drain you emotionally and leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied. You can’t rush love. But believe that it will come because it most certainly will. You just have to find the right person.

4. Respect everyone. Respect everyone in your life. Respect your friends, your family, and your lovers. Respecting someone is an incredibly important part of loving them. You have to respect someone you love and if you don’t respect them then you don’t really love them. Respect mostly comes down to realizing that everyone is a worthwhile person, with valid opinions and experiences. Realize that the other person has their own wishes and desires, and rights to privacy and dignity. If you can’t think these things about another person, then you can’t love them.

5. Focus on the positives. When you love someone, you should always keep focus on their positive traits. Find the things that you love about them and then give them the tools they need to amplify those traits. Focusing on nitpicky things you dislike about them will only make both of you unhappy in the end.

6. Embrace the negatives. There are inevitably things that annoy or frustrate us about the people we have relationships with. You need to learn to love someone not despite these traits but, as much as possible, because of them. Try to loosen up and find the humor in the things they do. This will stress you out less and make your relationships much stronger and stable.

7. Communicate clearly and often. If you want real love to build and grow, you need to keep constant communication. This doesn’t just mean talking about the weather every day; you need to talk about real things that are affecting your lives and your actions. Most importantly, you need to talk about the problems you encounter with each other. Don’t just be the person starting the conversations and handing out criticism, though. You need to create an environment where the other person feels comfortable coming to you with their problems too.

8. Forgive when you’re wronged, forgive when you wrong. You need to release negative feelings when they crop up in the relationship. Don’t hold on to grudges or embarrassment, as this will only make your life worse. Instead, learn to forgive and move on when the other person hurts you and forgive yourself when you’ve made mistakes. All you need to do is take the lessons from those experiences and make the relationship better.

9. Be a good friend. Whether you’re trying to create and grow love in a platonic or romantic relationship, you need to be a good friend to the person you love. Love is about more than kissing and hugging: it’s about being there when someone needs you and helping them unselfishly. Work to be as good a friend to them as you can be, and let them do the same.
10. Don’t bring outside problems into your relationships. Life gets stressful sometimes. We have problems and they make us upset, hurt, or angry. There are many, many people who take out these negative emotions on the people they love, often because they feel like they have no other outlet. But you should never do this. Find good ways to deal with your stress, like exercising or doing art. This will keep you from unreasonable outbursts directed at the person you love.

Make your happily ever after. Like the myth of the knight in shining armor, you also need to understand that there are no automatic happy endings. You may find blissful love, but you’ll always come up against challenges together, as you and your lives change. If you want to have your happy ending, you have to work to make it happy every day by supporting each other, working together, and doing the things in life that make you happy. 

I'm so obsessed with him!
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